How much self-confidence can you possible have if you can’t trust yourself to protect your best interests?

Perspectives vary according to past experiences and expectations for what the season brings, but every year, the anticipation (or dread) of the holiday season begins months in advance. What determines when the season starts and how long it lasts? The dictionary defines the holiday season as “the period of time from Thanksgiving until New Year.” In actual practice, the season starts sooner and lasts longer now that Halloween decorations and celebrations have become incredibly popular and holiday sales launch early enough to coincide with back-to-school campaigns, if not earlier.

Aside from our obligations and other commitments of time and resources, we’re burdened by unrealistic expectations like working longer hours to accommodate every possible client. Cue the memes depicting exhausted beauty pros. Read through posts containing text messages in which existing clients, or potential clients, make absurd requests, forget their appointments or otherwise behave badly. These memes and posts would be funnier if they weren’t so relatable as evidence of our shared frustrations. Granted, some beauty pros have these unwelcome experiences year-round, but that we associate them as an inevitable part of the holidays signals a deeper problem: a lack of confidence.

“Experience tells you what to do; confidence allows you to do it.” –  Stan Smith

We avoid and neglect doing what needs to be done and blame the holidays for disrupting our lives. We tell ourselves that sacrifices must be made and prioritize others to avoid disappointing anyone. That’s unfortunate because reinforcing the value of caring for others above caring for ourselves undermines our confidence and resilience. As a beauty pro and salon owner, as a parent, spouse and caregiver, I refuse to sacrifice my physical and mental health for the sake of doing more business.

“Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.” – Golda Meir

What’s your routine for managing your personal and professional responsibilities? If that works for you, why change anything during the holidays? How long does it take after the new year to recover your sense of normalcy? Do yourself a favor and resume your routine as soon as possible, unless what you do during the 75% of the year that’s not the holiday season doesn’t work well. In that case, it’s past time to implement a routine that produces the desired results. Trust and prioritize yourself, and prepare now to maintain your routine throughout the entire year.

An earlier version was published by Beauty Cast Network.

When do you feel most confident and most successful?

Cliché statements meant to inspire don’t capture which comes first, confidence or success. I would argue, as have others, that if you want to enjoy having both, you must first prepare and afterwards know how to attribute your success and your failures. 

“One important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to self-confidence is preparation.” – Arthur Ashe 

The recommendation to prepare appears obvious, but deserves more attention. While mentoring a recent beauty school graduate, we discussed how to launch her career in the beauty industry as a salon owner, something I would rarely recommend to a new licensee. In describing her feelings, she’d repeatedly express her “lack of confidence.” After listening to her concerns and answering her questions, it struck me that she didn’t lack confidence at all; she’s a very competent professional and respected leader in another industry. What she really lacked was preparation, not surprising given her limited experience in the beauty industry.

“Success depends upon previous preparation, and without such preparation there is sure to be failure.” – Confucius

Understanding what needs to be done and recognizing when you’ve done enough to more likely succeed than fail depend on your actions, not your feelings. The work that goes into planning, organizing and executing the launch of a business takes time, effort and research. Although her preparations had begun, she hadn’t made enough progress and decisions to move ahead. Her apprehension, both meanings – anxiety and understanding – apply in this case and made sense. She knew objectively that she wasn’t ready, and that manifested in her negative feelings.

“Confidence is preparation. Everything else is beyond your control.” – Richard Kline

When you achieve success, how do you explain it? Do you credit yourself, or not? Conversely, when you fail, do you blame yourself, or not? In social psychology, attribution theory proposes that individuals attribute their own behavior (or the behavior of others) according to two different dimensions, locus of causality and stability. Each dimension has two categories: locus of causality can be either internal (dispositional) or external (situational); and stability can be either stable (permanent/uncontrollable) or unstable (temporary/controllable).

“Luck is where opportunity meets preparation.” – Seneca

Consider the implications of assigning the following explanations:
Intelligence (internal/stable)
Effort (internal/unstable)
Luck (external/unstable)
Task Difficulty (external/stable)

What deserves the credit or blame? Someone who succeeds may credit themselves (intelligence or effort), or claim to benefit from good luck or an easy task. Someone who fails may blame themselves (intelligence or effort), or avoid responsibility by blaming bad luck or task difficulty.

An earlier version was published by Beauty Cast Network.

“Confidence is contagious. So is lack of confidence.” – Vince Lombardi

Based on these synonymous and antonymous adjectives, confidence has desirable connotations, but is there a such a thing as having too much confidence? The resounding answer is yes, and it’s not a good thing. Overconfidence has its own definition, “excessively or unreasonably confident,” and the words associated with someone who’s overly confident have strongly negative connotations: arrogant, careless, reckless, presumptuous, smug, delusional, etc.

More than just words, research has identified what’s known as the overconfidence effect in which someone’s confidence in their own judgments is “reliably greater than the objective accuracy of those judgments, especially when confidence is relatively high.”

“Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge: it is those who know little, and not those who know much, who so positively assert that this or that problem will never be solved by science.” – Charles Darwin

This cognitive bias has been further defined in three different ways: “(1) overestimation of one’s actual performance; (2) overplacement of one’s performance relative to others; and (3) overprecision in expressing unwarranted certainty in the accuracy of one’s beliefs.”

We’ve all had experiences in which we’ve misjudged our performance as being better than it actually was (overestimation). At what point do you realize that your judgments don’t match objective reality? Does it happen routinely?

When comparing yourself to your colleagues, do you rank yourself higher than deserved (overplacement)? How do you reconcile the value you place on yourself when a more objective measure does not rank you as highly?

When certain about your beliefs, what’s the basis for your confidence? Can you afford to be wrong or admit your mistakes? Why is this important? Because your confidence in your judgments and abilities, regardless of their objective accuracy, influences your behavior.

“Confidence is that feeling by which the mind embarks in great and honorable courses with a sure hope and trust in itself.” – Marcus Tullius Cicero

In a previous post, I suggested a taking a confidence test. Years ago, I took one that prioritized actions over feelings and attributed differences to gender: “…where men and women are faced with doubt and must choose how to respond. Doubt causes men to act. Doubt causes women to pause.” Interesting. So how did I score? “HIGH You probably feel up to most challenges, and are likely to embrace more risk and action than most. You feel you can solve problems or make things happen. Most of the time, you are able to cope and deal with just about any challenge life throws at you – both key attributes of confidence.” Based on that, I did not feel the need to enroll in their $149 online course that vaguely promised to increase my confidence.

“In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.” – Tom Bodett

Quality tests that measure what they claim to measure don’t just happen. Developers of tests determine the best format for assessment (multiple-choice, essay, demonstration, etc.) and strive for both reliability (consistency) and validity (accuracy) in their tests by applying psychometric standards. There’s literally a manual, The Standards for Educational and Psychological Testing, that specifies how testing should be done: the foundations (validity, reliability and fairness), operations (design, scoring, administration, test taker rights and responsibilities, etc.) and applications (psychology, employment, education, policy and more).

“I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” – Benjamin Franklin

The testing process and what qualifies as a pass/no pass level of competency should be obvious to test takers in advance. In preparation for any test, and to the greatest extent possible, we should already be familiar with the format, the testing conditions, the instructions, the content and how our performance will be scored and used.

Our licensing exam may be the most important, and very last, achievement test of our careers.

In most cases, testing results in a numerical value representing our knowledge/competency. In the specific case of a government-approved licensing exam, the law dictates a minimum score that qualifies someone as being “minimally competent.” Beyond that, nobody cares about our actual scores. We either pass and receive our license, or we fail and don’t.

Whether you tend to underestimate or overestimate your performance reveals a lot about your confidence.

If asked question by question to rate how confident you are in your answers during an achievement test, how accurately could you predict your score? Do you lower expectations, minimizing your preparation and protecting yourself from potential disappointment? Or inflate your expectations, conveying a lack of concern and projecting satisfaction with your performance?

Trying to assign a numerical (quantitative) value to something qualitative, like confidence, presents its own challenges.

That doesn’t stop researchers from trying to understand the role of confidence in our lives. Measuring “cognitive” confidence in knowledge or abilities differs from the more general self-confidence conceptualized as more of a personality trait, as described in this study. Moreover, psychologist Carol Dweck has explained how two different mindsets, fixed or growth, influence our approach to success, failure and effort: “People can believe that a particular attribute, such as intelligence or personality, is simply fixed. Or they can believe that it can be shaped and developed.” (Read more about mindset research.) Want to measure your self-confidence? Take The 30-Question Self-Confidence Test based on the work of Dweck and others.

An earlier version was published by Beauty Cast Network.

If only simple statements like “fake it ’til you make it” could make you feel more self-confident, you can avoid exploring why you lack confidence in the first place. And if platitudes worked, imagine how much more self-confidence you’ll have after reading much longer quotes:

“Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.” – Norman Vincent Peale

“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.” – Helen Keller

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” – Dale Carnegie

Feeling better? Any more confident? Probably not, and that’s because quotes, while often taken as meaningful truth, lack context or actionable advice applicable to you. (As you may have noticed, I love using quotes for entertainment purposes!)

What does it say about me that my favorite quotes about self-confidence reference having more than what’s justified?

“It is best to act with confidence, no matter how little right you have to it.” – Lillian Hellman

“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” – Mark Twain

Reading these quotes makes me feel better because I find them humorous and they affirm my ambivalence toward this entire topic, not because they improve my self-confidence.

Focused on motivation, performance and leadership, the entire industry of self-improvement treats confidence as something to be acquired and developed, or conversely, something you can lose. Treating confidence as a skill means someone can profit from promises of improvement. Meanwhile, psychologists debate whether self-confidence is a personality or ability trait, or lies somewhere in between. 

Where does self-confidence come from, and how is it measured? Can it be given or taken away? Before delving further into your self-confidence and how that’s quantified, let’s take a step back and think about your confidence in someone else. What influences your decision to trust that person? Your personal/professional relationship and previous experiences? Their position, qualifications and past performance? An endorsement or recommendation? Their enthusiasm and positivity? Their persuasive way of communicating? The appearance of success?

“It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness.” – Leo Tolstoy

“A delusion is something that people believe in despite a total lack of evidence.” – Richard Dawkins

“It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.” – Carl Sagan

The origins of the word “con” should make you question: Are you inspired or deluding yourself? “To con someone is to deceive or take advantage through fraud or trickery after winning the person’s confidence.”

An earlier version was published by Beauty Cast Network.

“Teaching is more than imparting knowledge, it is inspiring change.” – William Arthur Ward

Because state legislatures give beauty schools the most powerful role in the licensure process, beauty schools have the greatest responsibility to prepare students for their careers. Licensed pros have a lot to say about the training of future pros, but what do we contribute to that training? Once we finish beauty school and become licensed, we never have to return and most never do.

How do beauty schools empower students to achieve their goals?

In the weeks following the hearing, Janet and I discussed the possibility of a school visit and presentation. As a guest educator, I wanted to make the most of my time with these students. Five hours may seem a long time, but nothing compared to the 1000-1600 hours students spend in California schools to become cosmetologists. 

I’m a licensed manicurist and JD Academy offers programs for only cosmetologists and estheticians, so I chose to focus on topics that would appeal to those who likely don’t have any interest in nails. (I understand why more schools don’t offer nails-only programs, and don’t blame them.) Packing my suitcase anticipating demonstrations, I prepared to cover my service specialties: waterless spa pedicures and gel enhancements. More important, I knew that my direct interaction with the students, their questions and concerns would guide the discussion about compliance and best practices: health and safety regulations, employment laws, pricing strategies, client management, etc. 

In every class, I want to prioritize what’s most important from my perspective as a licensee, salon owner, industry advocate and expert witness.

We discussed establishing a schedule, enacting salon policies, developing expertise and evaluating job opportunities. As it turned out, we didn’t have time for the demonstration of gel enhancements.

The implementation of SB 803 in 2022 meant that California’s beauty schools have the opportunity to offer much shorter programs for cosmetologists and barbers. The new law requires a minimum of only 1000 hours to qualify for licensure, so what should be prioritized?

If your state requires continuing education or you want more advanced education, do you return to a beauty school for that experience?

I seriously doubt it, and that’s a missed opportunity. The most time I’ve spent in a beauty school in one day since graduating more than 30+ years ago won’t be my last, but I may need more than five hours. If you want me to visit your beauty school, please contact me.

An earlier version was published by Beauty Cast Network.

How can we expand beyond meeting our own needs to serve others and improve our communities?

Let me share a strategy that works year-round, but may be especially useful during the holiday season. Instead of advertising to generate more business, I recommend contributing to worthy causes within your local community. Very few non-profit organizations have adequate resources to actively solicit donations from small businesses like ours. Make their difficult job easier by scanning social media and publications to learn about organizations, and then donate a gift card or gift basket (a significant one, like $100 worth!) Even when an organization doesn’t have an upcoming event, they can always use donations to reward hard-working volunteers and staff members. Ideally, you can arrange for the organization’s executive director to visit your business to collect the donation and receive a quick tour.

“What is called generosity is usually only the vanity of giving; we enjoy the vanity more than the thing given.” – Francois de La Rochefoucauld

In exchange for your donation, your business gets listed in event programs, linked on the organization’s website and printed in advertisements and marketing that thank sponsors. You may not be able to afford a $500-a-plate dinner at a fundraiser, but your business can be well represented to people who can, and that’s the point. 

Your generosity lets people know that money spent at your salon gets reinvested in your local community.

To promote organizations and their causes, you can share information with your clients to encourage them to attend an event, volunteer and/or make donations of their own. Likewise, clients may suggest organizations that you may not be familiar with.

You can give in many different ways: your expertise, time, money, products, hosting and more. Whatever your interests (education, the arts, sports, health care, disaster relief, the environment, animal welfare, military/veterans, etc.), organizations in your local community need your support. Which organizations you choose requires careful consideration because your business becomes affiliated with organizations you support, for better or worse.

“Too many have dispensed with generosity in order to practice charity.” – Albert Camus

Fifteen years ago, I lost two clients to ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, also known as Lou Gehrig’s disease) within the same year. In that moment, I didn’t feel giving holiday gifts to clients was appropriate (and still don’t). On behalf of the salon, I donated that same money to the ALS Association to honor these clients and their families. The overwhelmingly positive response to this decision was so affirming that I vowed to never buy client gifts again. I urge you to find ways to achieve your professional goals, like promoting your business, while helping others who may never meet you or become your clients, but will appreciate you nonetheless.

An earlier version was published by Beauty Cast Network.

Whether measured quantitatively or qualitatively, most of your professional success will happen in the isolation of your salon environment. Once licensed, you’ll have limited opportunities to compare and evaluate the quality of your work, especially if working alone. Posting photos to social media and asking for only positive feedback in the comments does not count. No doubt, your clients think you’re the best, but why not prove it? Why not put your creativity and technical skills to a more rigorous test? 

Participating in competitions remains the most objective, tangible and significant way to distinguish yourself in our industry.

The value of competing goes beyond the recognition, cash prizes and trophies. Your work will improve greatly as you explore your creativity and become more critical and demanding of yourself. The competition experience not only develops your skills, but provides incredible opportunities to network and market yourself to potential clients, employers and business partners. Win or lose, competitors can have tremendous influence as educators, mentors, consultants and manufacturers.

Competitors strive to achieve the highest standards for workmanship while pushing artistic boundaries.

Thousands of professionals work in salons, but very few challenge themselves to compete. It takes courage to submit yourself to comparison and judgment. Competing challenges students and beauty pros to perform their best work under less than ideal conditions, often beyond the familiar comforts of the salon.

Competitors represent the entire beauty industry as they elevate our status and change our perceptions of beauty.

Generally speaking, competitions fall into two categories: photo/video or live/in-person. For example, the long-running and prestigious North American Hairstyling Awards (NAHA) produced by the Professional Beauty Association (PBA) requires photo entries, whereas most competitions at beauty shows feature live models.

Interested in competing? Review the competition rules to determine your eligibility and manage all the logistics. If you have questions, get them answered in advance by contacting the competition director. Ultimately, your performance will reflect your understanding of the demands of the competition and the time invested in perfecting your technique. Do what you do best, and don’t attempt something new unless it can be executed well for the competition.

“The ultimate victory in competition is derived from the inner satisfaction of knowing that you have done your best and that you have gotten the most out of what you had to give.” – Howard Cosell

Seasoned competitors know what needs to be improved without input from the judges. However, whenever possible, it’s useful to ask for critiques from other competitors and the judges following a competition. Any competitor should be prepared to listen and accept constructive criticism with a goal to improve their work for the next competition, not to question the judges’ decision.

An earlier version was published by Beauty Cast Network.

“Never mistake activity for achievement.” – John Wooden

What’s missing in these celebratory posts and the comments they generate? The recognition of the work, struggles (or advantages) and smaller achievements that make the bigger ones possible. That’s unfortunate because too often when something bad or disappointing happens, we conceal that as failure and forget the pride we feel in our moments of success. Why does the negative overwhelm the positive? What about the growth and learning that happens when we challenge ourselves and don’t succeed? Doesn’t that deserve to be celebrated? Regardless, when sharing anything publicly, be prepared; some comments may be hateful and hurtful.

“A failure is not always a mistake, it may simply be the best one can do under the circumstances. The real mistake is to stop trying.” – B.F. Skinner

Believe it or not, even your achievements may blur together over time and get lost in the length and complexity of your career. If you’re ever looked at photos and recognize yourself, but no longer recognize anyone else, you know the feeling. For example, I know the exact date I passed my exam to obtain my license (hint: it’s printed in my state license record), but I can’t tell you exactly when I started or graduated beauty school. The details about attending school, like my daily interactions with students, instructors and clients, and about taking the exam have been lost because while they may have seemed important and worth remembering at the time, they apparently were not.

“If you wish to forget anything on the spot, make a note that this thing is to be remembered.” – Edgar Allan Poe

Don’t let your memories fade and obscure your progress. As soon as possible, start tracking your achievements with dates and other relevant specifics. Make this information useful for promoting yourself and your business by doing most, if not all, of the following:
• Take video and photograph of your work
• Maintain a list of the classes and events you attend. 
• Keep a journal.
• Record your industry contacts, emails and phone numbers.
• Write and continually update your resume.
• Create a page on your website that highlights your work.
• Collect press mentions and other publicity.
• Make a digital scrapbook.
• Save important and sent emails.
• Bookmark links and other resources.

Having this information readily available gives you a renewed appreciation for how far you’ve come and how your career has evolved. Furthermore, this documentation helps you establish your expertise in a competitive industry.

An earlier version was published by Beauty Cast Network.

Our mastery of basic skills distinguish us from our clients (amateurs) and our competitors (professionals).

What’s the secret to developing your skills and achieving mastery? Most students, instructors and beauty pros would give the same answer: practice. Lots and lots of practice. As an educator, I’m not surprised by that answer, but let me explain why I emphatically disagree.

Practice develops habits, but not necessarily good ones.

We take for granted that given access to the tools and products of our trade, especially those only available to professionals, that we will instinctively know how to use them to obtain the desired results. That’s not a given. What’s the point of practicing when you don’t know what and how to practice? Spending hours doing something incorrectly or inefficiently does not lead to mastery. Instead, it’s more likely to lead to frustration and disappointment.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” – Will Durant

To perfect your skills, explore different techniques and train with those considered experts in those particular procedures. Within every license specialty and scope of practice, basic skills exist that when mastered produce better results. But oftentimes, we neglect the fact that how we work also impacts our physical health, both in the short- and long-term. For example, we could use more guidance from ergonomic experts on the proper positioning of our bodies and our client’s body, the grip to hold tools, the motion of our hands and arms, and more. Don’t sacrifice your own safety or your clients’ safety for a new technique. Implement recommendations and procedures that enable you to achieve great results efficiently and safely.

Regardless of the service, our primary concerns should be safety, quality and consistency. 

At a minimum, it’s our professional responsibility, legal and financial, to protect the health and safety of our clients. Consumer protection is the primary reason why state governments require licensing, beauty school training, written and/or practical examination(s), compliance with regulations, and in some states, continuing education. Without expounding on the efficacy of these requirements, let’s agree that while the intent is admirable, in practice they do little to ensure consistent quality. The same can be said for the restaurant industry; a restaurant can have an immaculate kitchen and meet the highest standards for food safety, and the food can still taste awful, or be inconsistent from meal to meal. We earn trust when we perform well every time.

An earlier version was published by Beauty Cast Network.